#IBDiaries: H-1

(art by Selena Soemakno)

My IB background story and anxieties for finals

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    November 1st, 2016
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​If you didn't know, in Indonesian, the H is "hari yang ditentukan", or the due date. Which means, H-1 is basically like saying "one day until the due date". The due date, of course, being the start of my IB exams. I thought it would be interesting to document what I can during this flurry that is otherwise known as the month which will determine the rest of my educational career. Maybe this will help any of you who are/will/have gone through the IB DP or just high school curriculum, really. Maybe this will only be functional for me, as something I can look back at once I'm much older and hopefully more prepared to face daunting things such as final exams. I better be. Seriously, Future Sel, I expect a lot more from you. ​

But back to Present Sel, I'm currently in a state of frenzy, trying to retain as much economical information as I can before my exams. I have economics and english literature first, two days in a row. Both High Level subjects = 5 papers in two days. I would definitely consider economics and english literature as the hardest subjects that I take, apart from math and physics (which I've sort of given up on. I'll settle for a pass. Okay, maybe a 5 for math and a pass for physics). 
There is so much going through my mind right now and so far, I've managed to fight away anxiety until before bed. Which probably explains the amount of creepy nightmarish dreams I've been getting. Although, good news, they've been slowly fading away and I can now say I have normal anxiety dreams (yes, this is good news for me). 
A lil background on my IB career as context for the rest of the #IBDiaries: 

• My first year of IB was 7th grade, aka the 2nd year of the MYP (Middle Years Program, International Baccalaureate). I had just moved to a new school due to the fact that my mom got a new job. The MYP was a transitional period for me. The school was technologically advanced, everyone had their own MacBooks, lent from the school, and everyone was proficient in IT. The school really helped me grow as an individual and student. I shaped up my public speaking skills, leadership skills, collaborative skills, studying skills. I also shaped myself up and really exposed myself to experiences and social media platforms where they were discussing things I was really interested in (including social justice issues). Social media platforms otherwise known as Tumblr and Rookiemag. 
• All of my friends were over-achievers, which really pushed me to work as hard as I could.
• Graduated from the MYP as an honour roll student. 
• Mom finished her contract so she looked for a new job at another IB school so I could get my IB Diploma. Moved to the school I'm currently in. Accelerated six months due to difference in start and end of school year. The school I am currently in does not offer IB subjects that I want to take so I have to take subjects such as economics, business, and physics whereas I wanted to more social/art based subjects such as music, anthropology, and psychology. Spent about a year and a half trying to catch up on all of the basics that I missed (which has really affected my knowledge in physics, math, and economics). 

So, to conclude, I am now a day away from my IB exams and I have promised to myself to do my best. It has definitely been a struggle to adjust my perfectionist side leftover from my previous educational environment. It may also be important to note that I want a 32 at the very least for my final IB score. However, all the schools that I am applying to (all located in The Netherlands, but that's a subject for another post) require only a 24 (pass) and above, which has definitely taken some stress off my shoulders. But, you know, once a perfectionist always a perfectionist so I'm still pushing myself. 
Wish me luck. 
I feel like I'm about to throw up, scream, sleep, and over-eat all at once. 
I seriously hope uni will be better. 
Alright, bye now. I have to go and force macroeconomic facts in to my brain for tomorrow. ​