My sense of self and confidence as a student (and lack thereof)
7th August 2016.
I write to you, Reader, in a snazzy baby blue (almost periwinkle) ¾ number from Zara that I got for my birthday, next to a cup of tea that is getting colder by the second, and wearing faded sparkling eyeshadow from my new Nude Dude palette by The Balm Cosmetics (I am in looooove).
Alright, like every good story out there, I shall start this one with a backstory. Backstory: today I spent the day with a few of my classmates for a surprise birthday party. Not mine, which was exciting. I filled my stomach to the brink (thrice). Watched Suicide Squad (personal opinion: great soundtrack, awful sexualisation, am terrified of the oncoming romanticism of Harley and Joker that will soon flood most social media platforms).
In conclusion, it was a majorly great way to end a tough week and to start off even tougher weeks. I will be graduating High School in about 4 months (aka freedom from IB after 5 years!!), and I have a lot of anxiety, as per usual, about doing all the work and wanting to do a really good job at everything. Before moving to a new school and skipping 6 months of Junior Year, I was way more hardworking and motivated than I am now. I graduated MYP (7-10th grade in IB) as an honour student with an impressive CV.
Now, I am dragging my ass through most of my classes and quite possibly failing physics. Not to make any excuses, but I moved to a new school, then a new city, then I explored friendships and relationships, then I watched one too many Superstore episodes, and now here I am: dazed and Stressed Out.
But worry not!! This isn’t a Coming of Age rant or diary entry, I’m trying to turn my life around. Well, back around. In a state of crippling anxiety as I stuffed my face with my 7th steaming Takoyaki, my best friend told me firmly that the only way to get rid of my fear is to Just Do It™. This awesome person then proceeded to tell me that I was the one who taught them that. It may not have been anything new, but it certainly helps to reminded from time to time.
So here I am, publishing this for the whole internet to analyse, scroll through, mock, or maybe gain some inspiration from. This is me making a pact to myself, this blog–and you, dear Reader—that I will turn these heavy tables. And that I will try my best to believe in myself.
If you are looking for a new beginning, then let this be a sign. You now have the power, and shall make the pact to yourself, and that you deserve and can achieve a second (/third/fourth/fifth/so on) chance, a fresh start if you will.
So my lovely Reader, change your bed sheets, open the windows, air out your bedroom, play some upbeat WALK THE MOON song, and light up some friggen’ candles because we about to freshen up dis shizz.
*Drops the mic gently to avoid any equipment damage*
© Selena Soemakno. All rights served unless stated otherwise.